When a person begins the journey through self-healing, very quickly they begin to discover they are not the only problem in their life. If every other person in your environment had been suitable to meet your needs, you never would have experienced depression. From the genetics that made you, through your childhood observations, and during your own destructive patterns, you are now here. And the reality is, healthy doesn't stay in sickness. "Healthy" people help you heal or walk away. The truth is, sick finds sick. We are drawn to each other, more capable of existing among each other, without ever actually having to fix our issues, because "we're all screwed up." But now you want to heal. You are not the only person in your life who will be affected by this.
Two years into therapy, my ex-husband and I had found ourselves in one of our "endless battle scenarios." He wanted something out of me at the moment that I didn't want to, need to, or have the energy to give to him. This time, however, when he started arguing, I simply got up and walked away. I did this for hours while he followed me around the house yelling and attempting to bait me, criticizing every bit of work I had done on myself. During his ranting I noticed one theme throughout his insults. "You've changed." The thing is, he was right. I had changed. Through the last two years I had done more work on myself than he had ever done in his whole life, so we weren't healing together. And I wasn't the same person anymore. After six years of therapy, I was no longer the girl he married, I was completely someone else.
You are taking a long journey when you heal through depression. It's going to be hard work, sacrifice, and dedication. You don't want that to all be for nothing by placing your new-found perspective right back into a negative pit. There may be people in your life resistant to allowing your change. Maybe your depression has become an excuse for what's wrong in every battle. Maybe the changes you need to make force others to deal with issues they're not willing to face. Maybe they doubt your sincerity through your struggles. Maybe you just no longer connect at all. Whatever the reason, as you change, your current relationships are going to change.
Relationships are about understanding, communication, and honesty. The relationships that are meant to last have these three components in every one of them. How you see the world is changing right now. Know, however, this is your "brave new world" and nobody else's. Your current world will attempt to pull you back into the familiar patterns of negativity, away from who you are now and who you are going to be. You will have to establish boundaries in your life. Remember, your brain is being "pressed down" by external surroundings. If an interaction with a person becomes toxic for you, you need to establish why that is and redefine the relationship. You must define your needs and learn to meet them. To do that, you will need to begin establishing boundaries with people in your life. If people can't respect the boundaries, you may possibly need to begin reconsidering the relationships. You cannot however ignore your needs and hope the issues will resolve, because for you, they absolutely will not.
Boundaries, of course, come at a cost. Boundaries limit the ability for complete freedom in a relationship which adds a tension between the two. This introduces negativity to the environment. Ignorance in the world is bliss but if you're reading this you know we all have issues so you can't claim to believe you're the only one who struggles with their feelings and emotions. When establishing boundaries it is more important than anything to be able to identify our own faults in the conflict. In some way you were a part of the problem, even if it was simply you were there and needed to just leave.
You are also going to have to give the relationships in your life a chance for a fresh start. Talk to the people that matter in your life about how you feel and why. Help them understand what you've learned about yourself. Know they won't change overnight anymore than you will. Anything that is going to grow in your life, needs to start from here. You must have understanding in your relationships and be willing to understand them. You must communicate when things aren't working because others don't think the way we do. And you must be honest; honest with others when your needs are not being met; and honest with yourself when you're not capable of meeting others needs.
Just remember, you are doing this for you. The people who "belong" in your life will grow with you along your journey. Those you may need to leave behind were never there to support you in the first place. You can leave that and the past with them and move forward in your new life taking only the best parts of you along the way.
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